I am thinking about baby Archie. I am thinking about his chubby cheeks and wispy hair and how, if you put him and Diana’s babies in a line-up, you might not be able to tell them apart. I am thinking about how blissfully oblivious he is right now, toddling along the beach, pointing at objects and using his big words, blowing kisses to his sister through his mother’s belly.
He has no idea that he’s at the centre of a global scandal, supposedly the ‘Worst Royal Crisis in 85 Years’ (actual newspaper headline). Worse than Boris lying to the Queen to force the suspension of Parliament. Worse than Archie’s granddad cheating on his blushing bride with a married woman. Worse apparently than his perspiration-challenged great uncle’s dealings with a billionaire sex offender.
I’m not his mum, but as a mother and a human being, I wish I could preserve Archie from discovering any of this one day. I wish we could spare all our children the destructive and pervasive effects of White supremacy and racism.
A Right Royal Crisis
And what is this crisis that threatens to tear the monarchy apart? Mostly, it boils down to an accusation of a racist comment within the palace walls. From a senior royal — although not the Queen or Prince Philip, we’ve been assured. ‘That only leaves two options, it’s either Prince William or Prince Charles,’ the pundits gasp. ‘But they’ve made it seem like the entire Royal Family is racist.’
It’s an absolute shocker. How very dare Meghan and Harry.
Can everyone please stop pretending to be shocked by racism? The Royal Family is racist. There, I said it. I’m not pointing fingers (sweat thee not, Prince Philip), I’m calling out the institution. The slippery thing about racism is that it feels deeply personal and it cuts to the bone if you’re on the receiving end. But it’s not really personal. It’s not really about you or me, but a system that was created centuries ago to uphold money, power and superiority.
The Legacy of Empire
Fact: the Royal Family was at the helm of the same Empire that cruised around the world ruling the waves and conquering the ‘savages’. It’s why my native language is English, even though I come from a country with more than 300 indigenous tongues.
It’s why my mum, born before Nigerian Independence, used to sing along with fervour every time ‘God Save the Queen’ played on telly. From the Crown Jewels to the gold of her throne to the sugar in the Queen’s cup of tea (alright, I’m inventing here, I don’t know if Her Majesty takes sugar), the Royal Family is sitting on a legacy of global subjugation, pillaging and slave trading wealth. Is this news to you? Here’s a link if you need more.
One reason people in Britain get so worked up around race is that our education system has pulled a fast one on us. The school curriculum is woefully inadequate on teaching Black British history, colonialism, or any kind of race literacy. We lack a common language to have the type of informed discussions that can move us forward as a society.
This is why I advocate starting the conversations at home with your own children and to keep educating yourself too.
We Need To Talk About It
In Bringing Up Race, I quoted the spoken word poet Guante who famously said ‘White supremacy isn’t the shark, it’s the water’. Right now, royal watchers are so busy gawping at the shark fin inching closer and closer, they don’t realise we’re already in troubled waters.
We’ve been in trouble for a long time. That sinking feeling isn’t about Meghan and Harry or the Royal clan, it’s about what this means for the rest of us. As a Black woman, this stuff hurts more on the surface. But racism damages everyone, no matter your complexion. It’s a blight on our humanity. And unless people recognise that the stakes are just as high for EVERY ONE OF US, the only way is down.
Long before Meghan, Harry and Baby Archie became a family of three, I speculated with friends and family about their future babies. Would their kids turn out darker and how would the royals cope? A part of me still hopes Archie’s hair sprouts into a glorious Afro.
The difference between my speculation and the royal family member’s ‘concern’ is that mine is about embracing his Black heritage and theirs is about exclusion. The key difference is that I’m a stranger and they are blood relatives.
Mixed Messages
Imagine learning that your own family member won’t fully claim you because of the colour of your skin. Sadly this is the reality for countless children of mixed heritage whose relatives express ‘concern’, openly or in private, about them ‘muddying up’ the bloodline. It’s a travesty because it’s not really personal. Nobody is born thinking this way. From childhood, we are conditioned into a system that says your skin tone means you matter more than me.
The true crisis here is that we cannot shield our children from this unfolding saga. And what they’re learning is that you can be the child of a prince, born from a fairytale marriage, a member of the most powerful family in the world and you will not be protected from racism. You will not be protected. Your mother can be driven to the brink of suicide and she will not be protected. Nobody is looking out for you. It’s not personal but it cuts to the bone.
The messages our children pick up about race from the world around us can shape them forever. The good news is that you can teach them something different, raise your child to challenge and to choose a better path.
What To Say to the Children
If your kids have questions about what’s happening with Meghan, Harry and Baby Archie, here are some more positive lessons you can pass on:
Whatever happens in a family is private business, but racism must always be called out because it’s bigger than one family. It’s about every single one of us. We must all do better.
Talking about race and racism isn’t the problem. The problem is that we don’t talk about it enough. We need to talk about it to understand it and try to change things for the greater good.
Bullies are everywhere but they never win in the end. Because a bully’s worst enemy is himself.
Never feel ashamed about asking for help. It is one of the bravest things you can do.
If somebody asks for help, do what you can to help them. Even if you’re cross with them for whatever reason, be kind and do the right thing. If you ever need help, no matter how things are between us, I will do my best to help you.
Real life isn’t a fairytale. Look how the prince and his duchess rescued each other. In the real world, we rescue each other.
If people say mean or bigoted or racist things about you, don’t let it drag you down with them. Hold your head high and be more you. The world needs more you.
Remember that you are never alone. I am here. There are many who will stand with you. And there is a long line of people before you who have survived and resisted and thrived and you will too.
Your skin is beautiful. I love your face. You have joy and magic inside you and your life matters. Your life matters. Your life matters.
Bringing Up Race: How to Raise a Kind Child in a Prejudiced World is on Amazon UK, Bookshop, and other good bookshops. It’s available in hardback, ebook and audiobook. Pre-order for USA and Canada at Amazon.com (release date May 4, 2021)
Wow Uju, what a stunning piece! I must say I had deliberately avoided any media coverage of the whole sorry Harry and Meghan affair, on the grounds that I do not care a fig for so-called ‘celeb’ culture. Reading the paper rather than watching the telly (as I do) makes it very easy to quickly turn the page on a story that doesn’t interest you. I now realise that maybe that’s just another way of sticking your head in the sand. You’re the real celeb Uju, along with the rest of yourcamazing family! Proud to have known you all.
What a brilliant post and so much of this needs to be said again and again and again. People need to understand the history to even begin to understand. And I really don’t understand this heat around Meghan and Harry who have done nothing but spoken their truth. As you say in the second para, there are far far bigger things happening even within the royal family.
Very well said and such an important issue xx
Thanks Nomita. It’s the lack of compassion for their very real and raw human experience that gets me. No matter anyone’s personal feelings about either of them (and let’s face it, we don’t actually know them!) it takes a lot of courage to stand up against such an institution and to be open about your own struggles x
Wow thanks for your comment David (have to resist calling you Mr Woodgates lol), it’s been such a long time. Very nice to see you on the blog and really appreciate your kind feedback. Hope you and the family are well x
Wonderful piece. Edifying and thoughtful.
Great article – there seems to be an assumption in the media that because Meghan does not “look” mixed race then she obviously cannot have faced the kind of prejudice that others, whose roots are more “obvious” (for want of a better word), have done. I am so sad, having read the media (tabloid particularly, but not exclusively) coverage of Harry & Meghan’s frank interview with Oprah, that basically the reception seems to be one of disbelief – Piers Morgan being a typical (and obnoxious) care in point. Both from a racism view, and a mental health one, I am astounded that people seem to think they are liars and their fears are baseless. I am ashamed of my country at the moment – but kudos to those who are supporting Meghan, despite the barrage of insults.
Hi Uju what a superbly written article! You really put a human spin on it . It’s easy to forget behind the titles and privilege are humans like us . And the crux here is empathy unless we can connect as humans to each other we can’t get better. This article made me a better person 🙏🏿
I wish we knew exactly what had been said. Was this a racist comment like “I hope he won’t be too dark”, or was it just idle speculation about the baby’s probable complexion and hair, which happens in all mixed-race families – and also in all-white and all-Asian etc. ones! Prince Harry seems to have taken the remark(s) as racist, but was he correct? We should be careful not to damn people when we have so little information.
The couple were very careful with their language and they said the family member had ‘expressed concerns’ about the baby’s skin colour. As I pointed out in my post, there’s a vast difference between speculation and concern. Also if Prince Harry has taken it as a racist comment, I’m pretty sure it was a racist comment. The key thing with microaggressions is not to conflate intention with impact. Due to unconscious bias and widespread systemic racism, many people often say very racist things without intending to do so, but that doesn’t take away from the painful and damaging impact for the recipient of said behaviours.
For me, the broader issue here is not even about which member of the royal family said what, but about how Meghan and even baby Archie have experienced racist coverage and attacks in the media since her arrival on the scene, and how the Royal family have done little to protect them from any of it. If you think that it’s not their place to get involved, consider how Archie’s great-uncle (also mentioned in the post) has practically been mollycoddled by the press. Meghan’s treatment over these past few years has been plain to see, ugly to watch and unfortunately highly relatable for many women of colour including myself. Nice to see you on the blog Karen :-)
Aww thanks so much Akin, your comment has made my day :-) And you’re so right, we have to remember that these are human beings. I was in tears at points during the interview because the feelings were so raw and also I was struck by their courage in sharing. People dissing them for ‘airing dirty laundry’ have no idea how hard it is to speak out about stuff like this, especially if it involves your kids! x
Thanks so much Nikki, it truly is saddening and disheartening to see some of the feedback but then I read comments like yours and I remember that most people are able to separate their cynicism and celeb-hate and focus on the stuff that matters. Their interview and their actions to break away and protect their family showed immense courage. All the comments about how ‘White’ Meghan looks, the reality is that mixed heritage people experience privileges compared to their darker-skinned kin, but at the same time they face their own unique set of challenges and it all leads back to the beast called racism. I’m glad they’re speaking out, come what may, because it does open up conversations that need to be had, however painful. Stay well x
Thanks so much Juliana x
Amazing post lovely. I was in a shock seeing how even some people I know reacted to this news…. agree with you in all points.
Thanks Mirka, yeah it’s often shocking to discover how people you are close to might show their ignorance around race and racism. Time for more education and awareness! x
OMG Uju, so perfectly put! Get out of my head. So funny, this is what I wrote on one of my texts in the heat of the crisis – but of course, you’re my sis from another mama.
I don’t know what to make of it really, I’m a little puzzled. Is it really a controversial idea that the RF institution or whatever they are are racist? I mean, the royal family is literally the symbol of institutional racism, one of the last bastions of white supremacy, colonialism and elitism. It doesn’t even upset me at the idea that they are at this point when we’re only just beginning to collectively recognize and address institutional racism, because if they’re not racist who is? I don’t despise them personally really, but they are the reason that princesses and princes look the way they do, the reason why there’s a hierarchy in language and accents, the reason why the west is seen as better than the east. I could go on…I don’t quite get the horror. But people still think of the KKK as racism when it’s quite an ordinary phenomenon
Hey Mrs B, awesome to see you on the blog and you are spot on, of course! That’s part of my frustration with the way that interview was received, so much of our media here zooming in on the ‘devastating accusation’ that the Royal Family (capitalised for effect) might be racist. I mean, seriously? We have such a long way to go in deconstructing and dismantling these systems but the first step is for more people to see them for what they are, rather than trying so hard to insist they’re not racist/sexist etc! x