He was calling for his mother, they say. While that officer knelt on his neck and crushed the life out of him, George Floyd cried out for his mum. Floyd was close to his mother and her death two years previously had devastated him. Some say perhaps he saw his mother’s spirit in his final hours as she came to claim him.
I would like to believe that was the final face he saw and not that of his killer. I would like to believe that his mother appeared right by him, and told him she had never left his side, and told him he was loved and that she was taking him home. I know that no matter how grown you become, no matter how long it’s been since you buried her, in times of trouble you call for your mother.
Back when I was breastfeeding, I remember that strange sensation of my milk coming in at the sound of any baby crying. If it was my baby wailing, the milk would soak through my shirt. Mothers I knew would talk about their pregnancy hormones making them hyper emotional. ‘I’m crying at everything, even that stupid advert.’ However, it’s not just hormones out of whack that makes us weepy. It is that strange pull, a deepened connection to every living and growing being. An innate, almost cellular understanding that you are a custodian of life. Not just the life you nurture, but every life.
It has been years since I was nursing, nowadays instead I feel my blood rush in. It’s pounding in my ears right now. Somebody’s child has been killed in the street. Again. Every time I hear of another murder of a Black citizen by police, my eardrums fill with pressure. My lungs tighten. I. Can’t. Breathe.
This time, it feels like the whole world is rising. Ordinary people, public figures, global corporations demanding justice. Are they finally starting to get the message? No lives matter until Black lives matter too. Until all of us are free, none of us is free.
Stats tell us America is the epicentre of COVID-19. As I see protestors gathering in the US and around the world, my heart swells. And it sinks. Black and Brown bodies, already more vulnerable to the virus, putting their lives further at risk. Still I support any movement against a virus that is far older, much more deadly, than coronavirus. America is its epicentre. But make no mistake, racism is a global pandemic.
For what feels like forever, Black and Brown people have tried to sanitise ourselves so we can move safely through this world. We have hidden the depth of our anger and pain behind a mask of strength and smiles. It’s time for the masks to come off, because they won’t save us. They won’t save any of us. Whether you are a silent carrier or a super spreader, everybody on this earth is infected. And we can’t fight this virus alone. We need a common cure.
The first few days after #GeorgeFloyd began trending, in my social media feeds I saw Black people agitating and hurting and asking when will it stop. I also noticed the absence of White voices. Too many White people, White mothers in my community, keeping mum. Why are you holding your breath? Didn’t we tell you somebody’s son was murdered in the cold light of day?
You don’t have to watch the video. I haven’t and I won’t. I’m not interested in seeing any memes. George Floyd was not a meme. He was a human being. Somebody’s father. Somebody’s child, just like you.
When I look at the photo of a young George Floyd cradled by his mother, I wonder what life she dreamed of for her boy. I imagine she had the conversation every Black parent raising children in a racist environment has with their kids. How to act in a public space so you don’t get in trouble. What to do if trouble finds you, especially if trouble is carrying a badge or a gun.
But there is no talk to shield yourself from a killer with a rap sheet taller than Trump’s lies. There is no talk to prepare you for the brute force of a knee choking your windpipe. And no matter how much we say and with how much love we say it, none of our talking as Black parents means anything if White parents aren’t talking to their children too.
There is so much to do.
‘There is so much to do,’ my niece echoes, ‘I’m overwhelmed. I don’t know where to start.’
Start where you are. If you are responsible for raising a child, make it your responsibility to raise the topic of race and racism. Please don’t stick to empty platitudes like ‘everyone is equal’. You need to get to the heart of the matter: about what race means, how it was constructed, how it has impacted the world. How racism continues to erode the safety and humanity of Black and Brown people all over the globe.
If this sounds like it’s over your head, it is time to educate yourself alongside your child. Commit to being a lifelong learner on what it means to be a human who might not look anything like you.
Start where you live. What does your bookshelf look like, your movie library, your social circle? What are your children learning from you directly about race, culture and inequality? What have you told them about George Floyd and Black Lives Matter? What are they picking up from your silence?
We are custodians of life. Our children will inherit the world we make, including all our mistakes. What legacy are we leaving for the next generation? Imagine if Derek Chauvin’s mother had talked to him again and again about the integrity of Black bodies. Imagine if she had raised him to believe in the value of Black lives.
Imagine if every mother on the planet responded to racial injustice with the same sense of urgency as they’ve reacted to the coronavirus?
It is time to teach your children that Black history can’t be contained in one calendar month. It is the history of the world. We are all descendants of Africa and there is no story of humanity that does not interweave with the stories of Black people. I’m not just talking about slavery and colonialism, I mean world wars and global inventions and industrial revolutions all the way to the cyber age.
I wrote a love letter to my eldest when he turned 8. In that post, I shared a quote from when he was just 2. It feels like yesterday when he made what I found to be a strangely precocious, funny and poignant statement.
Flash forward 7 years and Ezra will be that man his toddler self spoke about. Still my adorable 2-year-old in my eyes. But in the eyes of racists, a stereotype. A potential threat. I wonder if life will be easier for him by then or if society will still have its knee on his neck?
I have conversations with my boys about growing up Black, a minority, in a country that hasn’t reckoned with its racist past or present. No matter your ethnicity, I hope you have conversations with your children too. Keep it real about racism. Also teach them about respect and recognition and appreciation and celebration. So that they might grow up more open, less fearful, more ready to embrace cultural differences. So that more children can move safely through life, without socially distant masks or sanitised accounts of who they are. So all our children can breathe.
#GeorgeFloyd
#BreonnaTaylor
#JoãoPedro
#SandraBland
#MarkDuggan
#TamirRice
#TrayvonMartin
#EricGarner
#ChineduOkobi
#AhmaudArbery
#JoyGardner
#BlackLivesMatter
Did you like this post? Please consider buying my book Bringing Up Race: How to Raise a Kind Child in a Prejudiced World, out on September 3, 2020 by Yellow Kite (Hachette UK). Available for Pre-Order on Amazon UK and Waterstones
May Half Term on Lockdown for Kids and Grownups
Reading this in tears, thank you Uju, thank you xxx
This is a heart-rending and important piece Uju. Please repost widely.
Uju – I can FEEL your words and I feel so so sad. Thank you for these words and I will be sharing xx
Thank you Uju, for sharing this and for allowing me to share them for you too. Hugs x
I cannot articulate the pain and hurt I feel at this continued injustice and murder of innocents simply because of the colour of their skin.
I am not black but I am a mother and I am a human being and knowing he cried for his mother broke my heart.
I’m sorry that you have to explain the simple concept of caring for others and take on the burden of educating idiots.
Your children and the rest of the black community as a whole should be safe from this bullshit.
I won’t be silent and I will rebuke racism everywhere I see it. I know it’s not much but if there’s anything else I can do, I won’t hesitate.
Love and peace to you and your family.
My lovely Uju. Tears are running down my cheeks. Such a honest and open post. Thank for these words and for what you stand for. Love you xxxx
I just teared up.
Thank you <3
Fantastic piece Uju! Am so proud of you. This is a must read for all. Keep the faith and God bless you.
I’ve been avoiding the news and been off of social media for a while too, so only just seen what’s been going on today (living in Mauritius means I’m in a bit of a bubble from global news anyway). Thank you so much for sharing this. It’s time for all white people to stand up and educate themselves, their kids and their grandchildren, and thank you for helping us with that education. We’re ready to be life-long learners in this in our family and I will be sharing this with my community too. Sending you lots of love and thank you again for your perfectly-crafted words Uju xx
This is one of the most impactful things I’ve read on this topic. I would love to follow you somewhere on social media. I would love to fill my bookshelves with books to learn more. Understand more. I am listening. I am speaking out. I want to do more.
Hi Stephanie, thank you, appreciate your feedback and also for taking a stand and pledging to do more. This can’t be a one-off thing where social media performs and then moves on. I will be adding more on my blog and also I’m writing a book on this topic, but there are tons of resources available online too. Do stay in touch.
Thanks Sophie and also for reaching out earlier. It really is a lifetime of work, and we have lived a lifetime of this so there’s no reason anyone else should think it’s an overnight thing. Do share, do engage, do take action, do keep the conversation going x
Thank you so much Uncle :-) God bless you too.
Thanks for reading x
Thanks for reading, please do share if you can. I hope it makes an impact where it counts x
Thanks lovely. We owe it to our kids to do so much more, don’t we? Love you too x
Thanks Rhiannon, I appreciate your honesty and plain speaking. The thought of him calling for his mum is just too much to bear. There have been way too many needless deaths. I really hope what’s happening now is a major shift in the struggle. Let’s see. Love and peace to you and yours.
Thanks honey for sharing your platform x
You know, Nomita, you know. Thanks for sharing x
Thanks sis, I have added it to Medium under the careful stewardship of Mayowa. But there was some conflict in apps so it didn’t share but will try again. You’d think this techy stuff would be a breeze after 10 years of blogging lol!
Love you mama. Bless your heart x
Thank you for sharing this excellent reflection on the challenge the world faces with regards to racism.
Words can’t express the horror and despair I felt watching George Floyd call for his mother in his final moments. My anger at the white men in uniform who inflicted his death. It’s horrifying. It’s embarrassing, it’s absurd that it is still permitted in today’s world, have we learnt nothing?
Working in a primary school I am in contact with white children who are already on the road to being racist, they have unwillingly learnt from their parents and it is incredibly hard to undo that damage.
The work to be completed is an enormous task but please, count me in whenever you need me. I dearly want to see this evil stamped out and the sooner the better.
Thank you for writing this. I felt lost as to know where to start in educating myself and my children. This is very powerful.
Thanks Juliet :-) The important thing is to start. And keep going. It’s not a one-time or one-conversation fix, but the sooner we take this stuff on board and try to improve things, the better for all.
Wow Mari, thanks for your clarity and I’d definitely love to continue this conversation around schools and what we can do as parents to intervene and disrupt racist thinking and behaviour!
This had me in tears. Raising two back boys myself this is a much needed change that needs to happen. Thank you for your powerful words. Xx
So good to hear from you @Kgomotso. This stuff is deeply painful but I’m choosing to be encouraged by the groundswell happening now that things will start to change. My best to you and yours x
This is well written Uju and so powerful, it had me in tears!!
As a mother and a guardian of life, as a human being that feels saddened by the recent events and the fact that an institution that is supposed to deliver justice doesn’t do that but takes people’s breath away. It has gone to far and people are reacting. We all need to do more and stand up when others are being attacked. We discussed what happened to George Floyd and I will discuss it again with my boys. Also look forward to your recommendations about books to read and films to watch with our boys. You have a great way with words, can’t wait for more 😊
Uju, I weep as I read this. I remember when my son Chuck was living in Cleveland, Ohio and going to school in Kent, Ohio. I used to be up at home in Lawrenceville, Georgia waiting to hear him say, “mom am home”, before going to bed. I always told him to always leave his student ID and driver’s license on his dashboard so that if he was stopped by the Police, they would see his ID and driver’s license without him reaching for them. I was glad when he found housing in Kent and didn’t have to drive the long journey at night.
I still talk to my sons about the Police as old as they are. I have three grandsons and the talk continues.
Uju, thank you for writing this
Sending you love and know that I will do my best – my own teenage boys are, I hope, on track to do their best too x
Thanks Ali, love to you x
Hi Auntie Oli, so so sorry to hear what you had to go through. None of this is ok. I’m really hoping the current sea change is a lasting transformation. Timil shared a couple of stories for my book too x
Thanks Laura, glad you are having these conversations. Let’s keep it going x
I can’t Breathe!! Lord!! I can’t breathe! This just captures the thoughts on every HUMAN mind for the past weeks. and on black minds forever …. My throat is tightening up! My eyes dripping with tears of anger of frustration of just not knowing what to what to say. Thank you Uju for articulating this so aptly.
They hear us!!! They hear us!!!
Thank you for sharing Obioma. It’s indeed a painful reality for those of us who have been living this trauma for what feels like lifetimes. I’m glad it’s starting to feel more like a human problem, rather than just our problem. I’m hopeful. Stay strong x