Half Empty Nest

My baby started big school today. He looked so happy and yet so teeny in his big brother’s school jumper. We’ve built up school as a great adventure, so he was super excited to be off for his first day. At leaving time, only mama had tears in her eyes.

I’d waited 6 long years for this — my first official (half) day to myself. So why did I feel so bereft?

Jed’s still only in the nursery at school but already there’s that sense he’s been swallowed up by the system. The school gate clanged heavily behind me when I left.

I remember when Ezra started school. I still had Jed in a buggy but another mum friend reported feeling lost, now that she no longer had a little one to look after all day.

‘What will you do with all that time to yourself?’ other parents ask me, with a dose of irony as we all know pick-up time comes in the blink of an eye.

The thing about this new-found freedom is that you can come adrift without a plan for the next phase.

I’m a dreaming kinda gal and I have big things in mind, many of which I’ve already put in motion. I’m looking forward to finally having a little breathing room and a lot more head space to invest in my life purpose outside kids and family.

I’ll have more time to write, to earn, to network, to create, to share, to connect, to read, to hoop! Yes, I’m looking forwards but also looking back and the feeling is bitter-sweet.

My nest is half-empty but my cup spills over.