I was at the salon the other day, getting my hair did.
I was nursing my 13-month-old who was finally drifting off to sleep after an extremely wriggly hour on my lap (NB: salon trips and toddlers aren’t a happy mix).
My stylist, a fellow African, who had been busy teasing someone else’s tresses came back and stopped in her tracks.
‘What is he doing?’ she almost screamed. ‘Oh my God, I can’t believe it.’ She tapped my baby’s head. ‘Stop that now!’
Jed pulled off and blinked at the lady. ‘You’re still sucking?’ She challenged him.
She told me how her son, now almost one, had nursed until 9 months and she thought he’d never quit the habit. ‘Boys love the breast too much,’ she added, shaking her head.
Some customers might have taken offence or even lodged a complaint. I simply smiled and calmly readjusted Jed to his former position where he eventually snoozed off. It didn’t phase me.
After all, I was born into a culture where as a child, an ‘auntie’ you’d never met before would correct you loudly in public if you stepped out of line. Where as an adult, a stranger in the street thinks nothing of adjusting your bra strap if it’s showing. Even in an urban setting, the village ethos reigns. Your business is everybody’s business.
‘Ah ah, Grandpa, are you still on breast?’ ‘I beg, mama, release him now!’
These were typical remarks I heard while nursing my first-born, then 10 months old, out and about during our first trip to Nigeria. Right from the arrivals gate, the commentary poured in. One airport official stopped just short of uncorking my nipple from Ezra’s hungry mouth.
Just as a 36-year-old mama is ‘geriatric’ in medical notes, in certain African circles a 10-month-old is too ‘mature’ for mummy’s milk. He should be eating ‘correct beans and rice’ not guzzling from the booby.
It’s ironic that in traditional African society it was and still is common to breastfeed through toddlerhood. But by the time my mum’s generation had been brainwashed by corporate giants into thinking formula was best, they largely abandoned the boob. Bottles were a status symbol, seen as the smarter, healthier and certainly more stylish option.
Studies across the developing world show that generally the better educated a woman is, the less likely she is to breastfeed beyond the early months, or even at all.
Thanks to organisations like UNICEF, the ‘breast is best’ message is slowly regaining ground. But it’s an uphill climb. In Nigeria, recent figures for exclusive breastfeeding up to six months were as low as 11.7 percent.
It’s depressing news from a nation where malnutrition and disease are rife, and the protective qualities of breastmilk could actually save lives.
It saddens me that in my birth country where I should feel most relaxed, I was actually more self-conscious feeding my children than when in London.
Now I’m not one of these extreme breastfeeding champions planning to nurse my kids through college graduation. Although he’s hooked on it like liquid crack, I’m hoping to phase out Jed’s feeds over the next few months.
But I almost want to attach a handbook to my passport crammed with statistics about the benefits of breastfeeding beyond the first year, including the WHO’s recommendation that nursing should carry on for AT LEAST two years.
Sometimes I feel like being a card-carrying lactivist.
Instead, I’ll just smile and carry on nursing.
No matter how foolish or backwards I may look to the untrained eye, both my boys have grown strong, smart, healthy and deliciously chunky on mama’s milk. The proof is in the pudding.
Photo via former Black breastfeeding web site
this is a fantastic posting! It is so strange to me that something that is so good for your child can become so politically incorrect….my neighbor breastfed her daughter unitl she was almost 3…but only myself and one other person knew about it, as she was so afraid she would have backlash from it! Her daughter is now a very intellegent, well adjusted 5 year old! Stopping by from SITS
I love this post. I breastfed all three of my kiddos for about one year (I must not be educated enough — grin — I don’t have my masters yet). Anyhoo, I remember being surprised at the reactions people had to breastfeeding. Such a natural thing that disturbs so many. I think it’s because we live in such a sexualized culture that people have trouble remembering what else those goods are for.
Thanks for visiting Sugar Tails. Love to make new friends!
Hi Lesley, thanks for your feedback. And I’ve met mums in playgroup who are still breastfeeding their almost 3-year-olds too. I can’t imagine going that long myself, but I don’t think they should be judged either. I think just the mention of the word ‘breasts’ gets some people riled up!
Hi GlowinGirl, glad to have you over here. I was quite ambivalent about breastfeeding until I had my babies and they took to it like hungry little suckers. Then I just found it an amazing bodily function as well as convenient. But it really is shocking how much politics there is around what should be perfectly natural.
Beautifully & thoughtfully written. Love it!
I was so crushed when my son ‘decided’ to quit breastfeeding when he was only 9 months old. (He was a preemie and we had to combine special formula and breastfeeding to cranked up his weight) I cried for days because I had come to love our little times when he’s nursing and so close to me, it’s heaven! Since breastfeeding was so hard for me at first when he decided he doesn’t want it anymore really broke my heart but I’m blessed that I got those 9 first months of his life.
Thanks for sharing this! Bless your heart.
Btw, stopping by from SITS.
Thanks for stopping by and for joining the party. I nursed for 13 months. It was the best thing for us!!!!
What a fantastic post. I wasn’t able to breastfeed my son for medical reasons, and was constantly made to feel like a failure – it’s so strange to see that situation turned on its head! I love how you are so calm and collected when faced with all that – fantastic!
Thanks for stopping by to say hello :)
Lovely post Uju! Beautifully written. I read a study some time ago where they found that the HIV+ babies breastfed by their HIV+ mothers actually were healthier down the line than those who were not. That is pretty devastating news considering how they stopped HIV+ mothers breastfeeding in South Africa for years.
Hi Maureen, thanks for coming by and sharing your story. It is a special relationship and can be hard on both mama and baby when you have to call it quits. Part of the many stages of letting go as a parent, but it’s also the start of a new sort of closeness with your little one. I’m glad you were able to share those happy 9 months together. Thanks again for your feedback.
Hi there JD4’s Mom, glad to have you over and to hear you ‘extended’ too :-)
Hi Bubbleboo, i’m sorry you went through that. It’s just funny how so many people line up to make mums feel like they’re failing from whatever angle. We do the best for our kids and that’s what counts. Glad you liked the post :-)
Hi Luschka, wow I didn’t know that. It makes sense though but yeah, ignorance can be deadly in so many ways!
Wow. So fascinating. You handled it so beautifully! My son loves all things African right now! I must look and see if you have any pictures I can show him. : )
I nursed my kids until they were 12 months. At that time, my milk dried up and they were ready to stop. I totally support your efforts to reeducate mothers about the benefits of breast milk. My kids were NEVER sick while they were nursing: a huge benefit! Best wishes!!!
Hello, a wonderful piece & made me laugh out loud, especially where you mentioned how opinionated our country folk can be. I have been asked by complete strangers (all men I might add) if I’m still “exclusive” & how long I hope to be so! I did a double take & wondered what these gentlemen knew about my love life! :-) Then it dawned on me took me, they were talking about breast-feeding!
That aside, I intend to feed my little one until he’s at least one year old and have no problem with doing so in public. When asked, or should I say told, by some to “do that elsewhere”, I politely inform them that this is what breast are actually designed for & tell them to look elsewhere!
As far as I am concerned, breast is best for my little one. It’s quick, easy, convenient & always at the right temperature….plus it saves me stuffing even more things into my huge baby-bag :-)
This is SO interesting! Stopping by from my blog via your comment via SITS! Thanks!
I’m definitely looking to read more!
Hi Lynn, that’s very cool you’ve got such a healthy brood. Breast is best, as they say ;-)
Hi Sara, glad you liked the piece and also to hear that you’re bucking the Naija trend for nursing! I’m always amazed by people’s desire to chip in on issues that really have nothing to do with them – and from strange men…? Yeesh. How about we barge in on them during conception and give them our ‘advice’ on how best to impregnate? Lol
Hi Libby, nice to have you here, hope you’ll be back.
I never thought about it being a cultural difference like that. I just would have taken my crazy breastfeeding hormones and freaked out.
I’d never heard the statistic about more educated moms not breastfeeding as long. I have my bachelor’s in education and practiced extended breastfeeding with my boys.
Stopping by to welcome you to SITS!
Hi Shell, thanks for the welcome and your input. It might have been fun to see you unleash your crazy bf hormones on some unsuspecting commentator ;-)
Hi Kaishon, thanks for your feedback. I don’t have that many (non-events related) pics but hopefully will integrate my Flickr account soon so I can post more!
Like Bubbleboo I was unable to BF my son and felt like a failure. My middle child I breastfed her until she was 21 months old, and only stopped because I was pregnant with her sister and breastfeeding HURT! My youngest weaned herself at 18 months and I was so sad because I knew she was the last and I’d never experience it again. I know at least one woman who was still breastfeeding her daughter — in public! — at four years of age.
Hi Joy, wow a tandem feeder. I admire you, as I do mamas of twins who ‘co-feed’!
Good on you for continuing to breastfeed! I had to stop at 7 months sadly for medical reasons; hoping to go longer with this next baby. I can imagine that it would be stressful to have so many giving you a hard time for extended nursing. Don’t bow to pressure though…go for as long as you want to! :-)
I LO-OVE this post!!! I’ve read it before and I read it again because, man, its important!!!
First of all, I know what you are talking about… certain countries not having enough access to information about breastfeeding. I really wish it weren’t so.
and second of all, you are a great writer! Thanks for posting this!!!
-yo SITStah, CK
It’s so sad to hear that in a country that could save so many by doing what nature intended instead they have been brainwashed to use formula, many times incorrectly.
I’m so glad there are numerous campaigns to help promote breastfeeding. I nursed my first until she self weaned at 19-20 months and my second is over 2yo and still nurses at night (I’m in the process of weaning and it isn’t going well)
Visiting from SITS
Here, in America, at a meeting for a direct selling company that touts being able to be at home with your kids, I had someone complain that my assistant was nursing her baby during the meeting. Back corner, covered by blanket, but that this was unprofessional. And they were going to call the company and complain. Unbelievable!
Bernice
http://bernicewood.wordpress.com/2010/09/06/is-simplifying-your-life-too-complicated/
I love this post! One feeling I hate as a mom is feeling like I have to justify my parenting choices to other people.
the breast IS best and I think the only one who can make the decision about stopping the breast is the Mommy :) – my Mom shared with me her experiences with formula being the newest coolest thing as well when I was born. I loved breast feeding & the benefits are awesome!
SITS!
Love this post. It seems people are offended with breastfeeding all over the world. So sad. I love seeing other mothers nursing in public, no matter the age of their child. Breast is best!
I’m glad to hear that Unicef’s message is gaining support, but was surprised to learn about abbreviated breast-feeeding periods were an issue in African culture. Of course, I release that I’m in an unusual, and rather sheltered area, living on the Central California coast. A lot of folks out here are considered radicals, hippies, and tree-huggers, and have long been proponents of a natural lifestyle, organic way of thinking, etc… It’s not surprising, in our area, to see a mom breast-feeding her 2-year old during a public library reading. Not surprising I say, but still a little shocking. Even though it’s accepted, it’s not the norm.
Good for you. I am so glad you are able to take the comments in stride. It is indeed sad that breastfeeding has been replaced by formula as being more elite. If more mother’s breastfeed we wouldn’t have had so many sick or dying children from poisoned formula in China. How scary is that?
Now that I’m completely down on formula because I had to rely on it with my third due to health issues but really breast is convenient and cheap.
I hear ya! in Malta statistics are just as low I think (though i never checked them out) but whenever I meet someone they say you still breastfeeding your 18 month old while pregnant? what will happen when baby arrives etc….well what’s their worry? i wish ppl here were more open minded and knew more how breastfeeding is good till at least 2 years
You handled that perfectly. I love that you always show respect! Beautiful!